Sometimes, I see myself responding
and immediately know that I did it wrong.
And what I do next is what matters.
Few elements of chaos are worse than what already exists inside your head. It’s a form of chaos that never leaves, no matter where you go. It changes how you see, hear, and perceive everything around you. And it eats at every pillar of self, robbing you of the foundation that your life has built and the identity that you live by.
It’s self-deception.
How we are deceived
I’m re-reading a book that has brought insight into my life, Leadership and Self Deception by The Arbinger Institute.
This book is a must-read for anyone who wants to understand what leadership looks like in an organization.
What Self-Deception Does
In the book, the authors describe self-deception as betraying our intentions to be good.
When we don’t hold the door for someone carrying bags.
When we don’t get up to attend to a crying baby and make our spouse do it.
When we don’t give time to coworkers because we are too busy.
We do something other than what we know we should.
and then we try to justify it.
And spend more time trying to justify our inaction.
We victimize ourselves, create villains of others, and try to explain why it is ok to betray our initial intent.
Sit on that for a bit.
Our inaction creates negative action in our mind. And think it’s not only ok, but good.
That’s Self-Deception.
How do we get out?
The tricky part is answering, “How do I break free of Self Deception?”
Because you can’t fully.
It’s a constant effort that will live with you every day.
But you can get better.
The Plan
It’s a simple plan, but following through is hard.
1.) Acknowledge when you betrayed yourself.
2.) Make peace with yourself, then with any others.
3.) Seek and give forgiveness.
4.) Do 1-3 again and again.
That’s it.
Call to Action
One of the most valuable things you can do to address this chaos is understand it. I’d highly recommend several of the books by the Arbinger Institute.
If you want to aim for how this applies to your leadership in your career, check out Leadership and Self Deception.
If you want more personal growth, check out “The Anatomy of Peace”.
Either way, your call to action is to find a group of trusted colleagues, and do a book club. You’ll soon realize that you’re not alone. You have a group that can provide support, encouragement, and counsel.
Don’t have a group of your own, shoot me an email, and we can share our insights together.
Actionable Takeaway
Before I go and apologize to a few people for my own self-deception, check out our free template for your own vision and mission document. It’s a valuable way to transform chaos into a structured path to personal and professional growth. It’s a way to define how you should respond and where Self-Deception may enter your life and leadership.
Equip yourself with the knowledge to survive and thrive within chaos, shaping a legacy of robust and resilient leadership.
Vision Mission Values Template